When contemplating the decision of divorce, it can often be a difficult, tough and rough process for all of the parties involved. From how things have grown apart, to how things may not be repairable in your marriage.
However, this pain can often be seen when you focus on children you may have had with your respective spouse.
When considering the prospect of divorce, it is sensible to take the time to look at the situation from their perspective and to help them understand what is going on with the family.
Because there is no denying that, a decision of this magnitude brings about a substantial shift in the family dynamic, from living arrangements to discussions on how to approach the subject with your children.
Therefore, here are six simple ways that you can help your kids deal with divorce and handle the adjustments that can occur within the family.
Have an objective party present:
When going through the process of separation and divorce, it can sometimes be difficult to keep an objective eye. People feel hurt, and emotions can cause that to heighten tensions.
When it comes to your children, this is where a divorce lawyer can be helpful, especially in aiding your children in understanding areas that directly concern them, such as custody arrangements.
It is also good that you try to keep things as cordial as possible. Don’t try to use your kids as commodities, especially in custody arrangements. By remaining civil, it can reinforce to them that they are not the cause of the divorce.
Also, depending on their age, try to explain the legal arrangements in a way they’ll comprehend, but don’t make them take sides. Lastly you should contact an expert lawyer on the Gold Coast to ensure you get the possible outcome if it goes to court.
Keep things consistent and as “normal” as possible:
In any situation where we feel we don’t have direction, we grasp onto the one thing of which we feel we can take control.
While it may feel difficult in the immediate fallout and some of the significant changes, such as moving out or otherwise, keep your kids’ lives as close to what they knew as possible.
It may be hard to believe when emotions are amplified, but children actually need and want routine, because it can reassure them of what they already know.
This also indicates to them that, despite being in separate houses, you are on similar ground with boundaries.
If you’re moving or selling your house, try and keep the family unit as close as possible to minimise the amount of ‘life’ disruption,” comments Ruban Selvanayagam of Property Solvers.
Take the time to be kind and re-evaluate things:
When going through the aftermath of the divorce your kids may come across as moody, sad and angry by how the change will shape their life.
While you should hold to consistent rules, learn to be kind and see things from their point of view. It can also be a good time for you to adjust.
If you were the stricter parent, learn to let loose on occasion. If you were the one who was more fun, learn to take accountability and teach your kids the same means for themselves.
Let them know that they are loved the same amount by both parents:
When kids are faced with the idea and prospect of separation, they may feel that because the family dynamic is changing, they did something and may not be loved the same way.
The best thing to do is to confirm to them that the separation is not their doing and that you both love them and are going to take care of them and that seeing each parent is important to them.
This way, it shows that you are willing to be agreeable to custody and your children are reassured that their feelings are heard and understood by you and the other parent.
Give them decisions that allow them some control:
When dealing with the prospect of a divorce, some kids can often feel like they have no choice in many things, while having to come to terms with a situation that they didn’t ask to happen.
Therefore, it can be helpful to include them in certain age-appropriate decisions. This gives them a specific space of their own to control.
Whether it is what they take with them when transitioning between residences to how they create their own homely space within it.
Of course, don’t be surprised or upset if they still feel a bit aloof or defensive as they try to adjust to these decisions.
Be present and actively listen when your child wants to talk
When your child(ren) feels the need to discuss how they feel, or if they have questions about the divorce proceedings or what their life will be like, remember to be present and don’t dismiss what emotions may come. Remind yourself it may be repeated.
Conclusion:
Hence, when it comes to helping your kids deal with divorce remember to be objective, keep a routine and schedule, reflect on the dynamic, and allow them to control what they can.
Yet most of all let them know that you will listen and that both of you love them.
Good luck.
Add Your Comment