When adults move, they focus on where they’re moving, on all the logistics, on all the boxes, the paperwork/documentation, etc., etc.
Whereas children view it COMPLETELY differently.
Moving interrupts routines and comfort zones, as well as social ties, which can influence their development pace and sense of safety.
Getting familiar with possible reasons for their reaction and how to lower their stress levels and support them will make these exhausting moving responsibilities a little bit easier.
Why Moving Affects Children Differently Than Adults
While adults view changes more rationally and less emotionally, the same goes for this moving situation.
They know why a move is happening and already have a plan for what’s next.
With that in mind, children process what’s happening around them more emotionally, depending on environmental stability. Focusing on the loss they are going through, not all the benefits, you as a parent highlight.
For kids, emotional stress increases the moment there are more factors that change at the same time. Those are elements like daily routines, physical spaces that feel unfamiliar, followed by increased anxiety.
What can be extra on their uncertainty and bad mood is absorbed adult tension. Like when things aren’t working the way you wanted or needed, you certainly feel overwhelmed, and children start to mirror that.
Let’s say you are moving from a smaller place, like Decatur, to a more urban nearby city, such as Atlanta, and you’re more focused on the procedure than on your or your kids’ feelings. While you are looking for how to handle traffic and you’re trying to find a reliable and affordable Atlanta moving company, your kid is going through all the emotions as you. The exact same as you, but heightened.
Think about it – they perhaps don’t know (or understand) what’s going on. Or why.
They’re stressed and scared. Confused. And while you know the answer to these questions, your kid’s left there without answers, making the entire thing worse.
How Moving Impacts Kids at Different Ages
As the movement can disrupt development, if not handled correctly, it can also bring positive outcomes for both sides.
However, as the way they process their surroundings and changes differ, you can create certain support strategies to be more age-appropriate.
Toddlers/Preschoolers (Age 1-4)
As movement is not entirely processed for toddlers and preschoolers, there are a few things that disturb the youngest ones.It is either impossible or really hard to explain the change the family is going through. On top of that, at this age, children rely on sensory familiarity (looks, sounds, feelings, touch).
What this results in is hypersensitivity (e.g., heightened clinginess, frequent tantrums, sleep regression, etc.).
To combat this, you can create routines. Routines are VERY important for how children develop. Designate when sleep time is, when you eat, and what you can do.
Early School-Age Children (Age 5-8)
When children start going to school (even late kindergarten/preschool counts), they start becoming MUCH more independent of their parents as they start getting more friends, and they also get other authority figures introduced into their lives.
This helps children become more aware of their surroundings and of themselves. They start noticing things more and more, and they start asking questions.
This can result in children from 5 to 8 starting to overanalyze their every single move. Their fear of mistakes starts to rise,as the expectations are set without clear boundaries from their side – what they can and can’t do.
The moment when they have to move causes them heightened anxiety and stress, as they have to get used to new social norms, school rules, etc.
Start talking with them, reassuring them in advance, so when you have to move, they take it as a next adventure, not a school test.
Preteens (Age 9-12)
Preteens tend to be withdrawn.
The main cause is their new friend group, with which they started to identify. The key role plays a part in shaping identity and belonging.
Adapting and fear of change seem less important than leaving their friends behind. These are all the reasons they are easily irritable or resistant.
Still, acknowledging their sense of loss and going through that with them will have a greater impact than rushing to move and adjust.
Teenagers (Age 13-18)
It’s super easy to picture a teenager. You’ve seen countless movies. They’re angry, they’re frustrated, they’re rude and loud, and generally easily annoyed with pretty much everything.
This is often tied to them feeling as if they have no free will, no power when it comes to making choices/decisions. They’re starting to become individuals, but they’re held back by old habits.
And all this emotional negativity is some type of coping mechanism that helps them ‘gain’ control (even if it’s just an illusion of control). This has NO ties to your parenting, whether you’ve been a good/bad parent. It’s just how it is.
What we can do here is provide them with a safe space and open communication. Advice (should they seek it) and a listening (non-judgemental) ear whenever they need it, even if they aren’t showing it.
Also, whenever you’re making any house/family-related decisions (bills, choosing furniture, picking wall colors, etc., etc.), you can include their opinion.
This helps them feel as if they’re part of the community and their opinions matter.
Conclusion
Whenever you’re going through any major events in life – moving or otherwise – don’t forget that children experience the entire event completely differently than you, the adult, do.
It’s important to get each side’s perspective on this. If you’ve got multiple different-aged children, then don’t sit them together, but get each of their points of view separately. You’ll often come to realize that as children age, they see events differently. A five-year-old will experience things differently from a ten-year-old.
What can help here are consistent routines, which’ll help reduce stress and will help everyone deal with their emotions much more efficiently, regardless of the situation they’re in.
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