Understanding emotions can be difficult at any age, but it’s especially challenging for children. They may not understand why they feel the way they do or know how to handle big emotions. However, children who learn how to talk about their feelings tend to understand themselves better and develop greater emotional intelligence.
But what if you never learned how to appropriately talk about feelings and have no idea how to teach your kids? The great news is that there are many resources available to help you become your children’s best mental health advocate. You can start with these four simple mental health habits:
1. Model Healthy Behavior
One of the best ways to encourage your children to engage in healthy behavior is to model the desired behavior yourself. Learn how to talk about your feelings—both good and bad—in natural and healthy ways. For example, if you’re upset with yourself because you made a mistake at work, be honest about it. Explain why you’re frustrated and let your children know it’s OK to feel negative emotions sometimes.
It’s also important to model healthy coping behaviors. If you’re not sure how to cope with life’s problems in healthy ways, consider scheduling regular therapy sessions. When your kids observe you taking steps to improve your mental health and resilience, they’ll likely do the same as they grow older.
2. Create a Safe Space
If you want your children to trust you and open up to you regarding their struggles and emotions, you need to establish a safe environment. They need to feel comfortable expressing themselves without worrying that they’ll get in trouble or face harsh judgment. Focus on being empathetic and maintaining an understanding tone.
Create plenty of opportunities for meaningful conversations when your kids are at home. For example, you could establish an electronics-free rule at the dinner table so your family can use that time to talk. If your children like bedtime chats, reserve time at the end of each day to engage with them. Don’t force your kids to talk if they’re not ready. Instead, let them know you’re there for them whenever they choose to open up.
3. Talk About Mental Health in Age-Appropriate Ways
It’s never too early to help your children learn the importance of mental health. However, some topics may not be suitable for very young children. Therefore, it’s crucial to make sure your conversations are always age-appropriate. Here are some ideas for explaining mental health to children in different phases of life:
Toddlers
Use basic words like “sad,” “happy,” “mad,” and “scared” to help toddlers understand their emotions. Help connect the emotion to a trigger by saying things like, “You’re feeling sad because your friend had to go home.” Validate their emotions and let them know it’s OK to have big feelings. Give them time to work through their current emotions.
When your toddler is in a calmer state, talk them through what just happened. Gently prompt them to look at the bright side by reminding them that they’ll see their friend again tomorrow or next week.
Elementary-Aged Kids
Focus on helping elementary-aged kids understand and name their emotions. Then, teach them coping mechanisms. For example, if your child throws a tantrum after coming home from school, it might be because he’s angry he got a bad math score.
Once he names the emotion and underlying cause, you can work together to improve his math skills and prepare him for the next test. You can also explain that failure is a normal part of life and can be useful if we let it help us become better.
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Tweens and Teens
It can be notoriously difficult to talk to tweens and teenagers about their mental health. They tend to shut down verbally and resort to non-verbal cues—such as eye-rolling—to convey how they’re feeling. This can be intensely frustrating to you as a parent, but it’s crucial to resist the urge to lash out in anger or sarcasm. That will only make things worse and will cause your child to avoid talking to you going forward.
During the tween and teen years, become an excellent listener and validate your child’s feelings without judgment. Say things like, “You seem a little overwhelmed. How are you feeling?” to stimulate conversation. Resist the urge to swoop in to provide a solution unless you’re specifically asked to help. Let your child know that you’re always there and willing to help them through their challenging teen years.
4. Practice Active Listening
It’s important to learn active listening if you want to encourage your kids to talk about their feelings. No one wants to engage in a conversation with someone who doesn’t seem to truly care about what they’re saying. Fortunately, active listening is a skill anyone can learn if they’re willing to make the effort. Here are some important active listening techniques:
- Maintain good eye contact
- Be fully present (no fiddling on your cell phone)
- Ask open-ended questions and listen to the responses
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues
- Be patient
Finally, the best active listeners know how to reserve judgment. They express empathy for the other person and try hard to understand their point of view. If you can become an active listener, your children will find it much easier to confide in you.
Start Healthy Habits
If you want your kids to become capable, resilient, mentally healthy adults, it’s crucial to lay the groundwork now. Incorporate these four mental health habits into your family’s daily lives to help boost your children’s emotional resilience and mental well-being.
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