Yesterday would have been my sweet baby Emilee’s 19th birthday. She graced our lives for five days, but left us with a lifetime of memories. I spent a lot of time reflecting on things yesterday. How our lives would have been different if she had lived. Would we have had the remainder of our children when we did? Who would she look like? Would she be in college like Kaytlin? She was a fighter, of this I’m sure. She taught me to value even the little things in life. Time is precious and our children are a gift.
(Emilee at 5 days old)
So on with the day. Pretty typical… Emma was being her sneaky self. She has started a new venture in life. She spends her free time trying to swipe as much booty from Kaytlin and Joshua’s room without anyone noticing. Ethan, the ultimate toddler, was in top form in the morning. He will be two next month and proudly defends his independence with recurring fits on the floor, smacks to the wall and tossing things at Mommy’s head. He is also such a good boy. We took him shopping for the afternoon in this terrible heat (near 100!). Why no temper tantrums? Well, he took a morning nap, so when we went shopping in the afternoon Emma was napping. He got to shop alone with Mom and big sister! He loves feeling like the big boy. We tend to let him walk for a while when he is the only shopping helper along. Both Emma and Ethan are getting to be SO BIG!
The past 3 1/2 years have crawled like a snail in some respects, but in others… time has flown by! Emma is starting to spell words she recognizes (her favorite is a STOP sign), Ethan has started speaking in 3 word sentences (his favorite is “I eat FOOD!”), they love the independence outside can give them and they are both growing their wings and learning the do things without Mommy’s help. It makes me proud, but it also makes me so very sad. I miss my “babies”… I miss the cuddles (who has time to cuddle on Mom when there are towers to build, slides to climb, pictures to color?), and sometimes… just sometimes… I miss them needing me so much.
Last night, at 4 am… an old friend called. Ethan was crying in his room. I headed to his bedroom with the intent of kissing him, telling him he is okay and tucking him back in. When I opened his door he was on the floor and he looked up at me with his big blue eyes and said “Mommy love” (translation… he wanted me to cuddle). He needed his Mommy *heartfelt sigh*. I picked him up and sat down in the rocking chair in his room. This is the same chair that I had contemplated getting rid of days before because Ethan would not allow me to rock him anymore. I sat and cuddled with him for a few minutes until I felt he was ready to go back to sleep and stood up. He looked back up at me and croaked “gocky gock Mommy” (translation… rocky rock Mommy). He wanted me to rock him… he NEEDED me to comfort him. Yes, he might have been “working” me… but this old friend had been gone for quite some time and I had missed him. I sat and gocky gocked him and sang his song requests while he snuggled up against my chest and tried with all his might to keep his eyes open. Finally, I had to tuck him in (my arm had fallen asleep). I stood up and he again croaked “gocky gock Mommy”. I told him Mommy was going to pet his hair. I sat at the end of his bed (he sleeps with his head down where most people would put their feet… don’t ask me why, he has from day one in this bed) and proceeded to pet his hair. He sat up again and told me “ginky kiss” (translation… binky kiss), so I obeyed and kissed him through his binky. He reached up to hug me… then he layed back down. Tears streamed down my face. I hadn’t realized how much I missed this and I was so grateful to have it again, even if it was at 4 am. I snuck out of his room and back into bed. Glancing at the clock I was surprised to see it was now 5 am… how time flies when you are catching up with old friends…
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